going back to egypt

I turned 34 in Cairo, making it the third birthday I’ve spent in Egypt. I celebrated 21 as a student, 25 as an aid worker, and now 34 as a visitor. Each celebration was for a different version of myself, in a different part of the country, with different people under different circumstances.

After being out of the Middle East for nearly 6 years, and far removed from the romantic relationship that kept me connected to that part of the world, I returned eager to see how I would fit in, how my rusty Arabic would sound, and how old wounds had healed (or not). I was nervous because by the time I left Cairo in 2015, I was panicking in elevators, declining social invitations, and terrified of almost everything. I didn’t know it then but my PTSD symptoms had started controlling my life.

For this birthday trip, I traveled alone. I often travel solo when going to other countries for work or fun or to start a new life, but this time wasn’t like the rest. This time I wasn’t scared.

It felt like going home.

Holding tightly to old homes,

J

 Reflection

• Where is home for you?

• Have you ever gone back to a place you used to call home? What did you find/feel there?