the monkey trap

There is an ancient parable about trapping monkeys using a coconut. A hole is drilled into the side of a coconut shell that is just big enough for the monkey’s hand to fit inside. The coconut is chained to a tree. Fruit is placed inside the coconut, enticing the monkey to reach in. Once he does, he grabs the fruit but his hand is trapped inside because his fist is too large to fit back through the small hole. In order for the monkey to get free, he has to release the fruit, the object of his desire. Nothing is holding him hostage, or keeping him stuck besides his attachment to the fruit. Once he lets go, he is free.

One of my intentions for 2026 was to let go easily. Not sure why I had the courage (or audacity) to give God such easy material to work with, but no time was wasted in giving me chances to practice.  

Earlier this year, I was forced to release a man I loved more than anything because our relationship had become unhealthy and unable to expand into the future I wanted. It was an abrupt and hurtful ending that I did not want. I held onto that fruit for months longer than I should have because I wasn’t willing to accept the reality of the situation. I wasn’t ready to release the suffering the relationship was causing me, or the suffering I wanted to heal in him. I preferred to stay trapped in pain I knew rather than release it and fall into peace I didn’t know.

It hasn’t been easy, but letting go has been freeing, healing, and good. It has broken me, but the parts that shattered needed to leave. And in the humility of brokenness, there has been a radical transformation, even unexpected moments of enlightenment.

Allowing grief to be present and teach me what I needed to learn has concurrently allowed new space, new light, and new joy into every aspect of my life.

I moved into my dream apartment in a city that truly feels like my forever home. Given my nomadic spirit and lifestyle, this is a phrase I never thought I was capable of saying, let alone truly meaning. It has surprised me.

I got the biggest opportunity of my career, and still can’t comprehend how it happened or why I was chosen to be in such a position of national influence.

I made new friends, who already feel like family. One of my values in life is to maintain an open heart. Sounds cute, but when your heart is broken it takes discipline and devotion. With the discipline of openness, and a heart extra soft from sorrow, I seem to easily find connections with like-minded souls. One of the gifts of pain, I think.

Letting go isn’t just about being free, or creating space for new blessings to arrive. It’s about giving faith more real estate in my life. It’s about letting God be God, and acknowledging that there are limits to the things I know about people and situations.

When I let go of the fruit I am clutching with a tight fist, I let God determine what is best for me. Even if it means closing doors I wanted to run through.  

I love fruit and I love coconuts, and I certainly love thinking I know what’s best. But fruit that falls from the tree naturally, once its ripe, is far sweeter and far more abundant – and there’s no trap required.

Let’s seek more of this in 2026, okay?